Dear...

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns


Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada


Dear Boyfriend,
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Sincerely, Spiders


Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google


Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP


Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle


Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Santa,
Please tell me how you managed to stop at three Ho's.
Sincerely, Tiger Woods


Dear Boys Wearing Skinny Jeans,
I. Can't. Breathe.
Sincerely, Your Balls

Dear Toaster,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Sincerely, Toast